Change Your Narrative w/Lillianne Garcia: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

Lillianne

A daughter’s first glimpse into how healthy interactions with the opposite sex should exist starts with her father. Most women will tell you that you learn how to love and be loved in romantic relationships starting with how you see your daddy interact with your mommy. But what happens when your daddy suddenly abandons you? Can you ever recover from the void created? How we enter and exit romantic relationships is directly tied to our daddy triumphs or challenges. The narrative of Lillianne Garcia is one that highlights the challenges of daddy issues. But, as you will see in her narrative, she eventually found the resolve within herself to challenge the narrative her father created and create a new life for her and her family.

Lillianne Garcia is originally from Puerto Rico and currently resides in Keller, Texas. She is the owner of Lilly Garcia Real Estate Team and Your Pad Real Estate Services. Her area of expertise is in residential real estate and financial empowerment. Lillianne’s pain pushed her to change her narrative. Here is her story.

Tell us about your childhood.

I was the fourth of six children and my father abandoned us when I was six years old. I was daddy’s little girl so it was pretty devastating. My mom was never home because my father had a new family to take care of and did not support us so she worked three jobs. We were pretty much by ourselves, our dad gave us a couple hours every other weekend. My mom moved a few times and we finally moved in with her mother. I acted out so I was sent to live in a different city with my paternal grandmother for a little while. While there I was molested. After a few months my mom came to get me but I never told her what happened. My mom remarried and my stepfather and I did not get along so I hopped between my friend’s home, my dad’s and finally back to my paternal grandmother again because my father’s wife did not want me to stay with them. I had a boyfriend by then and he drove 2 hours every weekend to my grandmother’s to visit. One day my grandfather saw us kissing and sent me back with my mom. By age 16, I was pregnant and married the father of my two oldest daughters. I had no idea how to be a mom or a wife to this amazing man, all I did was work. A few months later my husband and I purchased our first house but never really established a home because I ”knew” he was also going to leave me or do something to hurt me, which in reality he never did. Five years later I left my home, leaving everything behind, including my daughters because I wanted to experience life…. A little while after I left I got involved with an abusive man who eventually became my husband. He put me down and physically and mentally abused me. I had five children by age 26. I divorced him and a series of events brought me to Texas but that’s a different story!

What would you say was the narrative that was expressed to you based upon where you grew up, how you grew up and the messages you received?

What was instilled in me was that I didn’t have a voice. I was not wanted and a mistake. That everyone who mattered was going to leave me. I was disposable and I believed that people would take advantage of me. I was a rebel.

How did that narrative play out in your decisions, actions and feelings about yourself?

I did not get close to people so that they could not hurt me by leaving – I left them first, I did not voice my opinion and kept it bottled inside. When I felt someone was judging me I would retract and disappear from their lives. I lived in depression, anxiety and walked on eggshells.

 

 

 

What was the catalyst or main event that made you say that narrative needed to change?
I married a second abusive man. This one was worst because to the outside world he was very sweet. I actually met him in church of all places. He put me down. He mocked me and my children and I was having thoughts of suicide. After many issues with him I stood up and defended myself but that brought on another set of issues and depression. The method I tried to get out of my previous abusive marriage was attempting to kill myself. I knew I was starting to feel the same way so I spoke to my son’s psychiatrist and told her I was thinking of harming myself. She suggested a Christian based program at the clinic she worked and I decided to attend right then and there.
What is the new narrative in your life?
I know I’m epic. I speak and think positively. I show up and I am valuable. I have excellent qualities. I am lovable. I love people and they love me back. I don’t need to run away. I am safe.
How does this new narrative show up in your everyday life?
It shows up in the people I attract. The things I see happening in my life. The growth I’ve experienced as a person is at my own pace. And little by little I was ready to step out of my shell.
What advice would you give someone who wanted to create a new narrative but didn’t know how to do it?
Get close to people that shine a bright light and learn from them. But do it at your pace. Change one thing at a time and believe that you matter. Even if you don’t believe it, begin by going through the motions you’ll get there! Understand how important it is to be intentional about thinking positively. If you have issues you need to deal with get help!! Taking action will catapult every other positive outcome. Start with what you feel comfortable with and grow as you go. Read personal development books, embrace your spirituality, and tell yourself how awesome you are!
Positive self talk will defeat negative self doubt no matter the situation. Lillianne was intentional about learning how to recover and rediscover herself after years of abuse, abandonment and low self esteem. It is important to ask for help in difficult times. For many asking for help is seen as a weakness. However, there is growth in vulnerability. Trust me I know what I am talking about. I have to make a conscious decision everyday to be vulnerable to whatever the day brings (insert any Brené Brown audiobook).
Lillianne’s narrative shows that she has grown by leaps and bounds. Hopefully, it has inspired you to grow as well.
Lillianne can be reached via the following social media platforms:
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