Hey, Queen V: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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I received an email this afternoon with the following greeting: Hey Queen V! This greeting made me smile so hard. It was just what I needed at the right moment. Isn’t it amazing how God knows when to send a phone call, text, or social media post that speaks directly to your situation. Let me put on my Transparent Trudy dress. I have been in a semi-funk for the last two days. Some of it is because Auntie Florida Evans paid me a visit. Let that marinate. I’ll wait. Did you catch it? Ok, so yeah the other part is that I feel stuck. Utterly, completely, indecisively STUCK! It doesn’t feel good (my body is aching), it doesn’t look good (I am wearing two french braids, an old sweatshirt, and a ripped pair of leggings) or sound good (a friend told me I don’t sound like myself).

But guess what? I am allowed to have a few days of stuck. I am allowed to slow down, to overthink, to have bouts of creative genius and then bouts of self doubt. I am allowed. I cannot smile this away. I cannot pray this away. I cannot inspirational quote it away. I must feel the uncomfortability of being in a strange, but familiar place. Why? Because this place is taking me to the next level. There is growth in feeling this uncomfortable place. This place is teaching me to get quiet and seek God’s face and space. It’s telling me to get my finances in order so that I am not moved by the amount of commas or zeros in my back account. This place is telling me to go lay down. Get some rest. Drink some green tea and plot my next move.

But, when the Lord knew I had been in this place too long He put it on someone’s heart to email me with the opening line, Hey Queen V! And sometimes that’s all that’s needed to get the ball rolling. To get the creative juices flowing. To get back in the race. To pick up where I left off. To be more, do more and require more of myself. Or, maybe just to be okay with saying “I cannot stay here too long but thanks for the place”.

Let me put this crown back on and get to work. In the words of the infamous Little Kim, “wanna rumble wit the bee, huh?”  I’m not throwing any hexes, but I am slapping fear and doubt to sleep with the hand of righteousness. Oh my slap the devil to sleep game is strong. Check my record.

Catch me at the next crowning!

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