Those Dressing Room Blues: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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The holiday season is upon us. Eating, shopping, drinking, and house hopping are on the menu of things to do. Well, if you are like me you always want to look good while living this fabulous life. I made a pit stop on Christmas Eve at a store I vowed NEVER to frequent…DRESS BARN! In my mind Dress Barn was my mama’s store. It was the store of work clothes, patterns and polyester. It was my mama’s store good people! Mom jeans, shoulder pads and floral patterns were all the things that came to my mind when I thought about Dress Barn. Until, I took a chance and stopped in on Christmas Eve 2015. I actually found a few cute pieces.

I also found something else. The Dressing Room Blues. Now, let’s be clear. My body and I have a love/like relationship. When I am eating right, drinking my 56oz. of water and getting rest I love it. When I am eating Nestle Tollhouse Cookies, drinking chai tea lattes and up all night I like it. In that dressing room I was having a like it moment. As I pilled off my Her Success Is Not My Failure t-shirt, scooted out of my skinny jeans and kicked my boots off I realized the reason I don’t shop much in my like stage is that I get depressed trying on clothes. Okay depressed may be a bit extreme. Let’s say frustrated. I start critiquing every little nook and cranny on my body. I grab my love handles and my relacore (that’s my nickname for my belly fat) and dissect my side rolls like I am in a biology class.

As I tried on clothes in the dressing room my entire disposition changed. I started with a size 14 skinny jean, then made my way to a size 12, then EUREKA! I almost made my way into a size 10 but I had to come back into my right mind because I was pushing it. My hips and thighs weren’t having it. So there I stood with a size 12 jean over my curvaceous hips, thighs and behind. All of a sudden a sense of urgency swept over me. I pulled out my phone and typed  She’s a Bad Mama Jama into my Youtube search engine. The next thing I know I am shakin’, poppin’ and lockin’ all over the dressing room. Did I tell you I was in a size 12 jeans?

It was at that moment I realized my previous Dressing Room Blues came from the fact that the clothes at some stores were not created for a thick chick from Joy Road and Evergreen. They weren’t created for an almost 40 year old mother of 3 who came through each pregnancy with no drugs, limited stretch marks, but lots of love handles. They weren’t created for someone who gets bloated around the 2oth of each month and then gets the bright idea to go clothes shopping on the 21st. They just weren’t!

And that’s okay because there are people out in the universe who they were made for.

So after Carl Carlton finished the last verse of Bad Mama Jama and I hit the last booty pop in the mirror (don’t judge me, you know you do it too) I picked up my clothes and ran to the counter with my coupon. As I walked out the door, the only thing I could think about was hearing my mother and sister talk about me and my previous disdain for Dress Barn.

But who cares, I was looking Christmastime Fine “in those jeans”!






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