Growing up I quit a lot of things. Violin. Dance. Tee Ball. Junior Achievement. School. Jobs. Friendships. Relationships. I wish my parents would have forced me to finish at least one of these. But, I think my parents understood the power of choice, my strong will and decided to invest their money into things that would give them a better ROI (Return on Investment). And really as a parent I don’t blame them. If I was my Mama I would have done the same thing. I wasn’t the most cooperative child.
However, there is one thing I can say I am okay with walking or running away from. A bad relationship. I don’t like to stay in places where I am no longer wanted, needed or tolerated. Like really who wants to be tolerated. That’s why I cannot stand the “teaching tolerance” curriculum when it comes to diversity. Like for real, who wants to be tolerated??????? But I digress. The older I became the more I realized that you have to “learn how to leave the table when love is no longer being served”. By the way, I have a book coming out in 2016 focused on this concept. Everyone’s definition of being comfortable in a relationship is different. I will admit that in most romantic relationships I was a bit of a track star. I wouldn’t sprint at the first sign of trouble. But by the time that second or third sign appeared just call me Flo Jo ’cause I was outta there like Obama Healthcare!
I just believe that as much as it may hurt to leave it hurts worse to stay. Now let me be very transparent. I have had some folks quit on me. And at the time I was shocked. I’m a cool chick, I love hard, but I used to fight harder (not in the physical sense) and my mouth was an AK-47 blazing anyone who I perceived was trying to hurt me in word or deed. So really, I don’t blame them for leaving. That’s called growth and ownership of your bad behavior good people.
A very good male friend and I were having a conversation about his relationship and why he continues to stay in a relationship that seems unhappy and unfulfilling. His answer was straightforward “she has held me down so I would feel bad for leaving”. And although most people reading this will think that answer is very noble of him I want to challenge your thought process. If his girlfriend heard that answer, what do you think her response would be? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
I want joy, comfortability, spontaneity, fun, passion, love and consistency. I want someone who believes in my dreams, visions and hopes. Someone who will bring 100% of themselves to the table, but understands that sometimes relationships are 80/20. Not all the time. Just some times. Someone who can push me to the height of my calling and build God’s kingdom. A visionary who supports the extreme dream.
That kind of loving is not happy or comfortable. It’s both. Not always at the same time. But it’s both. I don’t want someone to hold me down out of obligation. I don’t want a quid pro quo type of love. I want that Lauryn Hill reciprocity love that she talks about in Ex-Factor.
But hey, if you are okay with scraps then get it how you live. As for me, I want the 5 course meal relationship with nothing left on the table. ‘Cause we both eating good!