Ok, as people know most of my life is an open book. If you want to know something about me I don’t have a problem with sharing. I want people to hear it from the horses mouth rather than the donkey’s butt. Now, there are some things that are only between God and I. And if He ever pushes me to tell it I will. But for the most part if you ask, I share. I realized a long time ago that God gave me certain crosses to bear because I am a “sensitive thug” and I can handle it.
Tonight’s blog is dedicated to the adult version of the game hide and seek. I have been divorced in real life since 2010; but on paper since 2013 (this is a transparent statement just in case you feel the need to show me the receipts). And in the time since I have been divorced I have been in….drumroll please……ZERO relationships. Now, just to keep it all the way real, I started asking God “like for real, You are just going to let me go through life carrying 50-11 bags of groceries in the house, getting my own medicine when I am sick, pumping my gas at night and cleaning the snow off my car by myself for the rest of my life”? Yeah, ’cause if us single, divorced, widowed, women with/without children want to keep it all the way real that is the REAL conversation we have with God. Especially when the wait gets hard.
I am the first person to admit that I am a serial monogamous. I love being in relationships and I am not big on dating a whole bunch of folks. That’s just not how my brain is wired. I like consistency, a strong foundation and stability. I am too old to play games. I want to marry again (3rd times a charm). This is probably the only time I can say I have more in common with Kim Kardashian (she’s been married 3 times) than Elizabeth Taylor (she was married 8 times).
However, after having a conversation with my newfound Life Coach Cheranissa Roach (she’s the BOMB.com please click on the link to contact her) I came to the realization that the only explanation for this desert of a romantic life is that God is hiding me. He is hiding me so that I can get my ‘ish together. There are things that I must tackle, wounds I must heal, and things I must get done before He brings the one and only into my life. And while He is hiding me, I have work to do. God does not bring you out of hiding until He knows for sure that you learned the lessons from the previous mistakes so you won’t make them again. The hiding is a heart matter and not a head matter. It doesn’t make sense to the naked eye. I have a lot of people tell me “lil mama you got it going on, I can’t believe you don’t have a man.” Hell, for awhile I couldn’t believe it either.
But now I understand that the best part of the game of hide and seek is being sought. So when God does send me “the one and only” it will be the right time, because it’s His time. God uses this quiet time for me to seek His face and His infinite wisdom. I will be a whole person because no relationship should be 50/50. It is always 100/100. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I want someone to compliment me.
So, what do I do as a woman in hiding? I get my house in order. I start building my own empire. I use my gifts to enrich my life as well as others. I realized that if I am about God’s business, He will certainly take care of mine. Now I don’t begrudgingly wait and hide. I embrace it with the anticipation of a child on Christmas morning. I know that when the big reveal happens there will be excitement. I will probably squeal with joy just like a child found at the end of a game of hide and seek.