Tales of the Unicorn Tamer: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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What I am about to say some people may not like. But guess what? I am going to say it anyway. There are a lot of men in positions of power who are “unicorns”. Now, I know it may be hard for you to make the correlation so let me help you out. Unicorns, are mythical, mystical, magical creatures that people “oohh and ahh” over. They look great and have a certain aura about them that people are drawn to. Just looking at them one would assume that their farts emit a rainbow of wonder also known as Skittles. Unicorns look good and smell good. But the real question is what do they really do? Let me answer this question….NOTHING!

Shocker huh? We all know of men in power who get all the glory, but really can’t tell you any of the story. And the reason for this is simple. Unicorns are known for keeping GREAT people around them who make them look good. And the GREAT people are usually women. See, a lot of people like to dress the unicorns up and call them visionaries. However, just like leggings; one size does not fit all. It doesn’t matter if it’s the boardroom, the pulpit or the bedroom. Women are known for holding it down behind the scenes for these unicorns. Without getting any of the glory and knowing the entire story.

There used to be a song on the television show  The Great Space Coasters called If Wishes Were Horses. The chorus simply stated “if wishes were horses, then everyone would ride”. I say “if wishes were unicorns, nothing would get done.”

Now, let me me be clear. This is NOT a male-bashing, throw the baby out with the bath water observation. There are some great men in powerful positions and I am praying one day that God sends me one. But, God has blessed me with the gift of discernment so it doesn’t take me long to identify a unicorn when it’s in my presence. I am “The Unicorn Tamer”. I have had many years of experience being in spaces where many unicorns live, breath and breed. It is my duty to share my secrets to taming the unicorns in our lives.

A portion of this blog is an excerpt from my upcoming book: How To Tame A Unicorn: A Woman’s Guide To Dealing with Men In Power. (2016)

Watch out for the rainbow-coated farts. Then you will know a unicorn is in your midst.

Thanks for coming out, God Bless and Goodnight.

Young, Dumb and In Love: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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This Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed is dedicated to the 15 year old teenage girl in all of us. To the girl who skipped school to hang out at house parties. The girl who gave away her most precious gift too early. To the hard headed “show me” girl who didn’t listen to sound counsel. To the girl who thought she was living fearlessly, but was really bound by the shackles of peer pressure.

This Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed is dedicated to the 20 year old young woman in all of us. To the young woman who loved hard, strong and wrong. The young woman who made bad choices (partying all weekend and calling in Monday morning), loved bad boys(your neighborhood pharmacist) and drank bad liquor (mixing light and dark should be against the law). To the young lady who unknowingly was bound by soul ties.

This Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed is dedicated to the 30 year old grown woman in all of us.  To the grown woman who bore children for unrequited love. The grown woman who spent more than she saved. To the grown woman who put off today her dreams for a better tomorrow. The grown woman who didn’t quite follow the path most traveled.

This Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed is dedicated to the 40 year old seasoned diva. The seasoned diva who has forgiven herself and her decisions. To the seasoned diva who walks in her purpose, pursues her passions and does it unapologetically. To the seasoned diva who can enjoy her own company just as much as she enjoys the company of a soul mate. The seasoned diva who shares her past, is honest about her present and is pressing towards the future. To the seasoned diva who is embracing the unknown, searching for answers from the manufacturer of her heart and committing herself to being the best version of who she is destined to be.

This Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed is dedicated to ME! I am her. She is me. As I look at her, face to face, chin up, and head held high, I honor her. Flaws and all. I cherish her in all of her perfectly imperfect ways. I listen to her as to not learn the same lessons over and over again. But most of all, I LOVE her. It is because of her that I am me….and really that’s certainly alright with me.

Life Lessons from a 6 Year Old Wordsmith: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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Life is about constant change and movement. We all live storm-focused lives. We are either approaching, going through or coming out the storms of life. Just like change, storms are constant and inevitable. The most important part of weathering your storm is your outlook. Are your eyes fixed on all of the turbulence of the storm? Or is your heart filled with anticipation for the sunshine and rainbows once the storm is over? It’s all about perspective.

Let me be honest. There were times when I embraced change like getting a hug from a bill collector. However, I have learned to kiss change on the lips like it’s Idris Elba! Don’t judge me…I can love Jesus and Idris. And really, I have learned to love change.

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Our children can also sense when change is happening. They pay more attention to what we do and less to what we say. They take their cues from on how to deal with adversity, change, disappointment and the storms of life. My 6 year old told me to write these four things about life in my blog.

She is like E.F. Hutton when she talks, people listen:

  • Your life is like money. The more you have the more you grow.
  • Your life is like a grocery bag. You keep filling up your dreams.
  • The earth is like life. It goes around and around. Then your dreams come true.
  • Your life is like traffic. Sometimes you get stuck. But then the light turns green and you can go again.

Profound words for a 6 year old. And I am not just saying that because she is cute and mine!

She has a front row seat to my real life 9 to 5 changing in a very long, drawn-out manner. In the words of my mama “it don’t take all day to do nothing”; it’s taking all day. While I am in the middle of this storm I have taken this time to work on me: my dreams, hopes, purpose and passion. She sees this process and is paying attention to my response. I am trying my best to instill in her that:

  • Your attitude determines your altitude.
  • In all situations you are either the teacher or the pupil. Your response determines which side of the desk you sit on.
  • Love what you do and do what you love.

It really helps to understand that we are sent on assignments from God. Once your assignment is up, you move on to the next one. But ONLY if you are OPEN enough for God to USE you! Our journeys are never about us, they are always about what God is doing to us and through us for the betterment of His Kingdom.

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Take Care of What God Gave You: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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I took a mental health day to recoup after having a migraine all weekend. I also needed this day to get my house in order…literally! My apartment looked like El Niño ran smack dab into my living room with no signs of letting up. See let me just have a moment of transparency. I HATE cleaning up. Yes, that’s right ladies and gents I despise it.

As a child/teen my parents made me clean EVERYTHING! I used to vacuum the porch,  yeah you heard me, the porch! We had an enclosed porch with indoor/outdoor carpet and I was the designated vacuumer. I washed windows (inside/outside) with newspaper and a spray bottle that contained vinegar and water in addition to all of the other chores bestowed upon me. Did I mention we had black iron rod bars on the windows? Yeah, we lived in the ‘hood, what can I say? Chores and I have a love/hate relationships and I am not ashamed to tell it.

However, about 6 months ago, God dropped this in my spirit: I cannot give you more until you take care of what ya got! See, back in March/April my car was on its way to car repair heaven. I needed a new car but didn’t want to pay a car note. I hadn’t had one in 2 years. My car looked like my 6 year old lived in the back seat. French fries, dolls, blankets, pens, and change rolled with us everywhere we traveled. Finding a new car proved to be challenging and I was getting frustrated. Then all of a sudden I heard God say “Go Clean out that Nasty Car NOW”!  So on a brisk Saturday morning, I ran outside, hand in hand with my 6 year old and we cleaned the mess out of that car. From the front to the back. That Wednesday I had a brand new car.

I pray daily for God to bless me with a house. You already know what He told me, right? If it took a migraine for me to get my priorities in order then so be it. Let this be a lesson to all that if God can’t trust you with $2.00 He surely will not bless you with $2million.

I’ll send you an invite to the housewarming. But Merry Maids will be on speed dial.

My Farewell Letter to the 3 F’s: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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Dear Fat, Fried and False Calories:

This is my swan song, last call, and farewell letter to all things greasy, sugary and fattening . I cannot stand one more migraine or backache (sugar is an inflammatory), stomachache, or size change in my clothes. My moods, sleep and stress levels have deteriorated because of you. My skin has become lackluster because my water intake is not at it’s peak. You can no longer reside in my temple. This MagO7 that I am about to take tonight will help start the process. I will get back on this #operationslimgoodie train because this #operationeatwhateverthehellUwant bus ain’t working. Please keep all of your false promises, sneaky invasions and quiet whispers of  “go ahead Vanita, eat it, drink it, you will be okay”.

I am confessing that I no longer have the metabolism of my 25 year old former self. I am now a grown 39 year old woman with the battle scars, relacore (my word for fat) and children to prove it. So, to my fat, fried and false calories I say:

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Everyone should have a theme song. One of mine is Poison by BBD. When I hear this song my dance moves are so out cold you would think they wrote it about me. So to all my Mountain Moving Mamas out there I say:

“Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile” cause it might be be wrapped up in a body shaper and we all know what the TRUTH looks like once it’s unwrapped!

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I want that “old thang” back. Summer Time Fine!

The Waiting Game: Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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Tonight’s blog is dedicated to all my single, divorced and widowed friends and family who are playing the waiting game. I have been playing this game for almost 6 years. I must admit there are times I don’t like the rules, players or moves around the board.

I had a very interesting conversation with a 20-something today that made me appreciate the wait. These last 5 years have taught me a lot about myself, my tolerance level, my standards and my bad habits. It has also taught me about my dreams, hopes, fears, passions and my boundaries. Do I want companionship? Hell yeah! But, am I also comfortable chilling by myself at a movie theatre during a $5.00 matinee? Hell yeah!

Now, this is not to say that I am so in love with my own company that I don’t enjoy the company of others. However, what I am saying is that the wait gives you time to work on you. Find out who and whose you are while you are waiting. Learn a new hobby. Go out with friends. Enjoy life. Travel. Go to concerts. Start a business (Gifted Visions Unlimited Baby!). Start a blog. Write for a magazine (Nia Magazine). Take a Class. Attend events where you have to dress up, show up and show out. But by all means LIVE LIFE To THE FULLEST while you are playing the waiting game.

Once you get in a relationship you must show up as your true authentic self. If you haven’t given yourself time and space to develop then you might end up sending a hologram. For all of you 70’s & 80’s babies you can thank me later for the visual below. I know it’s killing you softly.

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So the next time you get in your feelings about not having a “Boo-ation Situation”, turn on some good music, look in the mirror and dance with the carefree vigor of this baby. It will do your heart and soul a world of good.

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Can You Keep a Secret? Not So Random Thoughts Before Bed

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Can you keep a secret? I hope the answer is no! Now don’t get me wrong, there is a difference between holding something in confidence and keeping a secret. Secrets are like roaches. Yes, let that visual marinade in your spirit. Roaches are nasty, they multiply rapidly, most sane people don’t like them, people are ashamed to have them and they can be hard to get rid of. See, like I said secrets are like roaches. I believe in being a truth teller and a truth seeker. Just call me “Transparent Trudy”. The main reason I have tried to live my life this way is because I have seen and heard first hand what secrets can do to the human spirit. It’s repulsive and sad. So the next time someone asks you to keep a secret, tell them you don’t like to keep roaches. Their facial expression may look something like this

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I am done “adulting” for the day so this blog was very short, sweet and straight to the point. My brain is on the low function setting right now.

In the words of Uncle Russ.. Thanks for coming out, God Bless, Good Night

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