By now you should know that I have been married and divorced twice. Yes, let us all be in prayer that the third time is a charm. I have used those experiences to shape how I move in my love life. Many people will say “oh divorced people can’t give wise advice to married folks” but I think that type of thinking is limited. Divorced people who have done the work (yes, I like to say that phrase in my Inyala voice) can provide wise counsel of what not to do in order to stay happily married. Those of us who have analyzed, replayed and combed through every part of our former marriages can provide great insight into what not to do.
- Choose wisely before you get married. If you there is a significant difference on spirituality, child rearing, and finances it’s going to be harder work than you anticipated.
- Apologize immediately. When you are wrong, own it. Apologize and move on. Holding grudges creates undue stress on a relationship.
- Keep folks out of your business. If you go telling your mama about your spouse’s bad habits or annoyances guess what will happen? Once you two become cool again mama’nem will still look at your mate with a mean side eye at the holiday BBQ.
- Make your potential spouse aware of your non-negotiables in the beginning. There are certain things that we will not negotiate no matter the person. Know your boundaries and make them known before marrying.
- Watch your words during disagreements. Don’t bring up old stuff. Now is not the time to use information told in confidence as a dagger.
- Support each other’s dreams. If your spouse wants to create the next rocket to Mars. Support them. Go to Amazon and purchase a book on making rockets. It may seem silly but it sends the sign that I support you; even if in the back of your mind you think this joker is crazy.
- Continue to have date night. The same way you got your boo, is the same way you keep them. Don’t let the fire die due to the everyday hustle and bustle of being adults with real responsibilities. In the words of Chante Moore “gimme that ole skool lovin’, like you use tooooooooooooo”.
- Pray together. Having a strong foundation is essential to “Makin’ It Last Forever”.
This list is not exhaustive. And I am sure many divorcèès can add to this list.
This is what 36 years in this LOVE GAME looks like. This is the definition of a boo-ation situation.
These fabulous folks are my parental unit.